


Left Unsaid

by SatisfiedImmoralist



Series: Mergana Fluff-Shots [5]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Merlin tries to make her feel better the only way he knows, Missing Scene, Poor Morgana, Season/Series 01, Understanding, she's really shaken up after the Questing beast incident
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2019-03-15 04:56:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13605999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SatisfiedImmoralist/pseuds/SatisfiedImmoralist
Summary: Missing scene from Episode 1x13.





	Left Unsaid

* * *

 

The rumble of the thunder shook the night skies as rain poured down on the city of Camelot. People were seen sprinting into their homes, as if trying to escape their deaths itself.

But for Merlin it could not have possibly been a better day. He had greeted death with open arms, and defeated it. He had defeated death, for himself and those close to him. His mother was safe, Gaius was safe, Arthur was safe, along with himself, all hale and healthy and alive.

After making sure that Gaius was comfortably tucked into bed, he sneaked out to refill his water pitcher from the royal kitchens. He was walking so quickly that he nearly banged into a pillar when he heard his name being called.

“Merlin?”  The voice on the other end sounded so low and unsure, that he almost didn’t recognize the owner.  He cautiously walked back a few steps and came face to face with Morgana’s moonlit form. Despite the dim light the shadows under her eyes were unmistakable.

“Milady, what are you doing up at this hour?” He mentally kicked himself for asking her the question when he himself was roaming the corridors at midnight. He’ll tell her he was thirsty, he’s got the pitcher in his hand anyway. It’s a convincing enough excuse, right?

Thankfully, Morgana seemed to have no interest in interrogating him. “I am afraid to sleep.”

“Umm, why… may I ask?”

She didn’t seem to hear his question.

“I’m glad you’re… alright.”

“Of course I am. What would happen to me?” Merlin answered with his typical lopsided grin, hoping to put her at ease.

She gave him a queer, haunted look. Her stare was so intense it was beginning to make him uncomfortable. His palms were beginning to feel sweaty and he felt the need to sprint back to his chambers.

It must have shown on his face because she suddenly dipped her head, her long locks falling to frame her face “Yes, of course. I am sorry; I must be making you uncomfortable. I seem to be doing that to a lot of people lately.”

The urge to flee was momentarily replaced by an equally strong urge to hug her. She looked so miserable and sad and lonely at that moment that Merlin nearly forgot about all the reservations holding him back.

“Morgana… what’s the matter? Please, you can tell me.”

Huge green eyes with unending depths suddenly locked on his.

“I have these terrible… visions. I know it sounds insane but, it’s true, Merlin. I’ve always had them. As far back as I can remember. I saw my mother die when I was three, and a year later, illness took her. And then my father – my father he died in battle and I saw that happen before, I swear I did Merlin. And Arthur, God, Arthur. I have seen so many horrible things happen to him. And every day I see him walking it seems like something will happen to him any moment. It’s suffocating, Merlin… this sense of doom hanging over your head. You cannot even begin to imagine what it’s like.”          

“And this morning, I saw you… I saw you being hit in the chest with something.  I saw you fall with smoke rising up your chest. And I saw… I saw Gaius lying lifeless at an altar. Gaius! Merlin, how-

“Gaius is fine, Milady. He’s asleep in his chambers.”

“Oh. That’s good.” She nodded absentmindedly, as if she was only half-present in the conversation. Her expression said that her mind was somewhere else, as if trying to discern whether this whole meeting was a dream as well.

Meanwhile Merlin’s eyes had grown wider and wider as she narrated her dream with thorough detail, and for a moment allowed himself to wonder at the extent of her Seer abilities. How much had she seen in the dream? Did she see him performing magic? Did she see him bargain with Nimueh? Did she see him kill Nimueh? After searching her face for any signs of shock or disgust towards him and failing to do so, only finding a deep concern and fear for him, which he did not feel the least bit deserving of, he said, “Milady, I…”

There were so many things he wanted to say to her, so many things he could have said, yet all that he managed to choke out was, “I’m sorry.”

It was all that he could say, but it was the most honest sentiment in his heart right then. He was, God, how sorry he was to see her like. Sorry that he dismissed her earlier in the day. Sorry that he didn’t even stop to say goodbye to her like the others. Sorry that he couldn’t do anything to regulate her horrific nightmares. But most of all he was sorry that he couldn’t tell her that she wasn’t alone, that she could always, always come to him, that she had no reason to feel like a freak. And in that moment he felt like he could blurt out any one of those things, if only Morgana hadn’t spoken up first,

“It’s alright. It’s probably just, overactive imagination born from a restless mind. I’ll leave you. I’m sure you have better things to do than listen to my paranoid delusions.”

She spoke quickly in a light, dismissive tone as she made to turn around and bolt to her chambers.

“No! I…” don’t think you’re paranoid. You’re not having delusions. Your fears are perfectly reasonable. “don’t mind. Listening, I mean.”

Merlin mentally kicked himself for what could have been the twentieth time in the span of their conversation.

Morgana stopped for a second to whisper "Thank you, Merlin." before gliding across the hallway.

* * *

 

 

Merlin trotted back to Gaius’ chambers with a heavy heart and a tense mind. He smiled when he caught a glance of Gaius peacefully snoring on his bed. When he entered his room and sat in the chair beside his bed, his mother was still asleep from when he left her. Her face was clear of warts, a small smile gracing it. He was still glad about the way everything had turned out, But Morgana's melancholic face still plagued his thoughts, her strained voice still tugged at his heart. How could he have forgotten about her? Wasn't she his friend too? Hadn't she risked her life for him without a second thought? He had no right to distance himself from her over the Tauren incident. If he had pushed Morgana away because she nearly gave in to the urge to end someone for their wrongdoings, then he had no right to judge her, considering his own actions. Especially not after that night's events.

He wished there was something he could do to make all her troubles vanish. He wished he could tease her and make her laugh like Arthur, comfort her and talk to her like Gwen, but most of all he wished he could show her magic like only he could - make her feel normal, at ease with her abilities. But alas, he was only a servant, and that too not even hers. His wishes would have to stay buried with the secret that is his magic. But even if he could not do all those things, there was one thing he could do still.

 

* * *

 

 

He hadn't really expected her to be awake, let alone open the door herself. He had planned to give the gardenias to Gwen and be on his merry way. Where was Gwen, anyway? Probably tending to Arthur. He snickered at the thought. It was amusing to watch the two of them, Gwen especially, trying and failing to deny her growing feelings for the prince. He realized that he had been standing there like a fool for far too long and awkwardly handed the gardenias to Morgana.

"These uhh...are for you. You seemed upset last night, so I thought- "

Her face suddenly sported an expression of alarm and he wondered if he'd said something wrong.

"Merlin... last night, whatever I said-"

"It's alright, . You were distressed by recent events, it's perfectly understandable."

Morgana smiled at the boy's good intent. She was sure that nobody in the world would consider mad ravings about death and destruction to be "perfectly understandable" in a stressful situation, but Merlin was just like that. He seemed to soak up all the bad in the world and only give out only the good. Did he have any idea how precious he was? She had been extremely worried about him and her heart had lifted upon seeing him return the night before - the world could not lose someone like Merlin, it shouldn't.

* * *

 

Merlin studied the scene before him for a moment, the her face illuminated by the morning sun, A soft smile upon her lips as she caressed one of the small flowers.

Her eyes still looked haunted, but for the time being, the smile that decorated her face as she took in the scent of flowers eased the anguish of his heart.

 

* * *

 


End file.
